Domestic abuse
We take domestic abuse seriously and believe all people have the right to live their lives free from violence and abuse. It is estimated that one in four women and one in six men will experience domestic abuse. If you’re worried about your own relationship, frightened of someone close to you, or concerned about a friend or neighbour, there is help available.
What is domestic abuse
Domestic Abuse is defined as any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between individuals aged 16 or over who:
- Are an intimate or have been an intimate partner (Scotland)
- Are intimate or have been an intimate partners or family members (England)
Common signs of domestic abuse
The following can all be common signs of domestic abuse:
- Appearing frightened or intimidated by their partner, ex-partner or family member
- Visible signs of abuse, such as bruising, burns, black eyes, scratches or any other unexplained physical injury
- Becoming more introverted or withdrawn
- Unexplained absences or poor performance at school or work
- Signs of depression, self-harm or attempted suicide
- Signs of antisocial behaviour like shouting or loud arguments
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone regardless of gender or sexuality. We've listed some common examples of domestic abuse below.
Coercive control
A pattern of behaviour that controls the victim through fear. Examples include:
- Threat and/or use of violence
- Making you use drugs or alcohol
- Insulting, humiliating or shaming you
- Being jealous of your friends, family, work colleagues
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Threatening to harm you, your children, other family members or your pets
- Telling you that you never do anything right
- Intimidating you with weapons, including knives, household objects, or other bladed articles.
- Monitoring how you spend your time, who you spend it with and the time you spend on your phone or social media
Emotional or psychological abuse
This usually involves non-physical behaviour intending to control and isolate you from your friends and family. Examples include:
- Blaming you for things
- Isolating you from family and friends
- Preventing you from leaving the house or locking you in.
- Insulting, humiliating or shaming you
- Telling you what to wear
- Telling you that you are mentally ill
- Tracking your movements (for example with GPS trackers, social media locations)
Physical abuse
Examples include but are not limited to:
- Slapping
- Punching
- Choking
- Biting
- Pinching
- Pushing and shoving
- Kicking
- Spitting
- Throwing things or using household objects to hurt you
Sexual abuse
This can include:
- Rape, either by pressuring you or forcing you to have sex
- Touching you inappropriately without consent
- Pressuring you to have unprotected sex
- Hurting you during sex
- Using objects to hurt or humiliate you
Financial or economic abuse
This can include:
- Preventing you from having your own money
- Asking for receipts or proof for everything you spend
- Controlling what you can and can’t spend
- Monitoring your bank account
- Getting you to take credit out in your name
- Withholding your bank card or access to your bank accounts
- Adding their name to your account
- Cashing in your pension without your permission
- Forging your signature to access your money
Threatening or intimidating behaviour
These examples are aimed at frightening someone to comply with the abuser:
- Threatening violence or threats to kill
- Threatening to tell agencies, like social services or the police, that you are mentally ill or have an alcohol or drug addiction
- Destroying yours or your children's belongings
- Threatening to expose your sexual orientation
- Threating to cause problems for you at work or college
- Threatening suicide
- Following or harassing you
Stalking and harassment
Stalking and harassment refer to repeated unwanted behaviours that make individuals feel scared, distressed or threatened. It is a common form of domestic abuse and can happen when the victim is still in a relationship with the perpetrator or if they split up.
Examples may include but are not limited to the following:
- Following someone
- Frequently attending or driving past their home or place of work or education
- Sending unwanted or malicious gifts
- Frequent unwanted contact such as on social media, texts, emails, or phone calls
- Gathering information on the victim by contacting people who know them or using public records
- Creating fake profiles on social media as a way making contact
Online and digital abuse
Online and digital abuse refers to the use of technology to control, manipulate or harm.
Perpetrators of domestic abuse often use online tools to abuse their victims. For example:
- Monitoring your phone and social media accounts
- Cyber stalking
- Revenge pornography. This involves someone sharing private, sexual materials, either photos or videos without your consent and with the intent to cause embarrassment or distress.
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What actions you can take
In an emergency
If you are in immediate danger, or worried about someone's safety:
- Call 999 and ask for the police.
- If it’s not safe to speak, use the Silent Solution system: call 999 and then press 55 when prompted.
- For deaf, hard of hearing, or speech impaired, you can make emergency calls using Relay UK
If you are out and about and in danger or fearful, you can also use the following code word scheme 'Ask for Angela' in participating bars, clubs and other venues. Staff members have been trained to offer discrete assistance. Look for posters or signs in venues to see if they offer this service.
Speak to us
You are not alone, and we are here to help. You can speak to your housing or scheme manager who will be able discuss your safety and any concerns that you might have.
If you’re in one of our care or supported services, you can speak to your support or care worker.
You can also contact us directly for advice and to discuss your options.
Seek legal advice
We recommend that you seek legal advice for guidance on protective orders that can help keep you safe, concerns over child contact and tenancy matters.
Contact the police
We would encourage you to call the police even if its not an emergency (on 101) and even if you are unsure of what is happening to you. They will be able to talk through your concerns and discuss options to help protect and support you.
You can also request information from the police in England and Scotland about whether someone has a history of abuse
For England: Request information under Clare's law
For Scotland: Disclosure scheme for domestic abuse
Contact a specialist domestic abuse service
Most areas will have services dedicated to supporting people experiencing domestic abuse. Your local council will have information on specialist support services. To find your local council website, you can check here. You can also speak to a Home Group colleague who can help find one.
Visit a safe space
UK Says No More is working with pharmacies and banks across the UK to provide safe spaces in their consultation rooms for people experiencing domestic abuse. You can find your nearest safe space on their website.
Where to get help
If you are the victim of domestic violence or you are concerned about a neighbour, friend or family member support is available.
If you feel able, contact a Home Group colleague, trusted friend or other professional. If you aren't ready to do this yet, there are lots of organisations who can help:
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (England)
- Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage helpline (Scotland)
- Age UK
- Childline (to discuss concerns about a child)
- Citizens Advice (domestic abuse and financial advice)
- Dogs Trust (helping dog owners find freedom from domestic abuse)
- The Forced Marriage Unit
- Galop (supporting LGBT+ victims)
- Respond (supporting people with autism and learning disabilities)
- Hourglass (supporting older people)
- Karma Nirvana (honour based abuse)
- Men's advice line (supporting male victims)
- Mankind initiative (supporting male victims)
- IKWRO (support with honour based abuse)
- SignHealth (supporting deaf people)
- Women's Aid
- The Samaritans
- Southall Black Sisters
- I Choose Freedom
- Stalking helpline
- Respect (working with perpetrators of abuse)
What to expect from us
We take reports of domestic abuse seriously and we are here to help
We understand how frightening abuse is and how difficult it is to talk about. If you contact us we won't judge you or tell you what to do. We will:
- Respond in a calm, friendly, and reassuring way
- Listen to your concerns and believe what you tell us
- Respect your decisions; we will always act with total discretion and confidentiality in agreement with you
- Let you know how we can help you
- Discuss your safety, taking into account your children and other people in your household
- Discuss your housing options and housing concerns
- Refer or signpost you for expert support such as specialist domestic abuse services, legal advice and financial support
We will not share your information with anyone without your permission, unless there are serious concerns for your safety, or the safety of any children or vulnerable adults.
Staying safe
There are things you can do to keep safe or help you plan to leave:
Staying safe (Scotland's domestic abuse and forced marriage helpline) - Information on what to do in an emergency, web safety, staying safe if you're able to leave or stay, and what to do if you're at risk of a forced marriage.
I am planning to leaving my abuser (refuge) - Advice for women.
What you can do (Mankind) - Support for male victims.